If you are going to leave her, leave now. Do not wait for 2 months, 6 months or a year. Leave now.
If you leave now, it will feel like ripping off a band-aid. It will hurt for a minute, and then the wound will heal. But the longer you wait, the more it will hurt and the longer it will take to heal. The wound will become a scar. An ugly scar on her smooth skin.
If you leave 2 months from now, she will think of you on quiet, lazy evenings. She will be sitting alone in a café, trying to read a book. But then her eyes will fall on a happy couple on the next table, smiling at each other, and she will remember the first time you had taken her to a café just like this one, and called it your first official date.
If you leave 4 months from now, she will find herself staring at her phone screen at 5pm. Because for 4 months, you texted her everyday at 5pm asking her how her day was and if she was done with work.
If you leave 6 months from now, one night she'll look up at the sky and see millions of stars shining and it will remind her of the time when you had taken her to your friend's house for a party, but the party was really boring, so you two had quietly snuck onto the terrace. You sat really close to each other and looked at the stars and lost track of time. You were both slightly tipsy, and none of you would have rather been anywhere else in the world. It was only when your absence was noticed and your friends had started looking for you that you went back downstairs and joined the party.
If you leave 8 months from now, she will be out with her friends and someone will ask her about you. It will feel like a knife through her heart. She'll plaster a fake smile on her face, but deep down she'll just wait for the night to be over so that she can go back home and be alone. One of her friends will stalk your social media profiles and tell her that you are probably going out with another girl. The girl's pictures are all over your social media. You two look happy. Her fake smile will disappear from her face. So her friends, all on various stages of drunkness, will tell her that the girl is fugly and is probably a slut. She'll laugh at this. But she'll be thinking "and yet he's with that girl, not me!". She will go to sleep that night imagining you holding that girl's hands just like you held her hands and telling that girl all the nice things that you used to tell her.
If you leave 10 months from now, she will lie awake in her bed at 6:15am on a Sunday morning, touching her forehead where you had kissed her once on a Sunday morning at 6:15am. Your kiss had made her smile in her sleep. She woke up and saw you looking at her and you told her how beautiful she is. Everything had felt so right and so perfect at 6:15am on that Sunday morning.
If you leave a year from now, in the morning someone will ask her why her eyes are red and puffy. And she will lie to them. She will tell them that her eyes are red and puffy because she got soap in her eyes while showering that morning, not because she was up all night crying. She will spend her evenings alone, with a glass of whiskey. The glass of whiskey with ice makes her hands cold and the whiskey burns her throat. She would rather have coffee. But warm cups of coffee in her hands remind her of you and how nice and warm you used to make her feel.
Someday, another guy will want to take her to a café and ask her how her day was and take her to parties and hold her hands and kiss her. But she will not let the other guy do any of these things. Because she will be too scared. She will keep thinking that he will leave too, just like you did.
So if you are going to leave her, leave now. Do not wait for 2 months, 6 months or a year. Leave now.
If you leave now, it will feel like ripping off a band-aid. It will hurt for a minute, and then the wound will heal. But the longer you wait, the more it will hurt and the longer it will take to heal. The wound will become a scar. An ugly scar on her smooth skin.
If you leave 2 months from now, she will think of you on quiet, lazy evenings. She will be sitting alone in a café, trying to read a book. But then her eyes will fall on a happy couple on the next table, smiling at each other, and she will remember the first time you had taken her to a café just like this one, and called it your first official date.
If you leave 4 months from now, she will find herself staring at her phone screen at 5pm. Because for 4 months, you texted her everyday at 5pm asking her how her day was and if she was done with work.
If you leave 6 months from now, one night she'll look up at the sky and see millions of stars shining and it will remind her of the time when you had taken her to your friend's house for a party, but the party was really boring, so you two had quietly snuck onto the terrace. You sat really close to each other and looked at the stars and lost track of time. You were both slightly tipsy, and none of you would have rather been anywhere else in the world. It was only when your absence was noticed and your friends had started looking for you that you went back downstairs and joined the party.
If you leave 8 months from now, she will be out with her friends and someone will ask her about you. It will feel like a knife through her heart. She'll plaster a fake smile on her face, but deep down she'll just wait for the night to be over so that she can go back home and be alone. One of her friends will stalk your social media profiles and tell her that you are probably going out with another girl. The girl's pictures are all over your social media. You two look happy. Her fake smile will disappear from her face. So her friends, all on various stages of drunkness, will tell her that the girl is fugly and is probably a slut. She'll laugh at this. But she'll be thinking "and yet he's with that girl, not me!". She will go to sleep that night imagining you holding that girl's hands just like you held her hands and telling that girl all the nice things that you used to tell her.
If you leave 10 months from now, she will lie awake in her bed at 6:15am on a Sunday morning, touching her forehead where you had kissed her once on a Sunday morning at 6:15am. Your kiss had made her smile in her sleep. She woke up and saw you looking at her and you told her how beautiful she is. Everything had felt so right and so perfect at 6:15am on that Sunday morning.
If you leave a year from now, in the morning someone will ask her why her eyes are red and puffy. And she will lie to them. She will tell them that her eyes are red and puffy because she got soap in her eyes while showering that morning, not because she was up all night crying. She will spend her evenings alone, with a glass of whiskey. The glass of whiskey with ice makes her hands cold and the whiskey burns her throat. She would rather have coffee. But warm cups of coffee in her hands remind her of you and how nice and warm you used to make her feel.
Someday, another guy will want to take her to a café and ask her how her day was and take her to parties and hold her hands and kiss her. But she will not let the other guy do any of these things. Because she will be too scared. She will keep thinking that he will leave too, just like you did.
So if you are going to leave her, leave now. Do not wait for 2 months, 6 months or a year. Leave now.
Someday, another guy will want to take her to a café and ask her how her day was and take her to parties and hold her hands and kiss her. But she will not let the other guy do any of these things. Because she will be too scared. She will keep thinking that he will leave too, just like you did.
ReplyDeleteThis is scarily accurate.
A case of "once bitten, twice shy".
DeleteTouched more than one nerve. It's very true for the opposite gender too, btw. Commitment phobia is destroying hearts one at a time. I tried to encapsulate some of my thoughts here - https://alwaysagoodguy.wordpress.com/
ReplyDeleteThank you for sharing :)
DeleteTrue, yet this is fucking depressing.
ReplyDeleteThe truth often is.
DeleteWish I had read this earlier.
ReplyDelete:)
DeleteRead something deep and meaningful after long time,made me feel should be implemented by everyone
ReplyDeleteBeautifully written.
ReplyDeletethank you
DeleteYeh toh sad hai :(
ReplyDeleteTouched...
ReplyDeleteThis was beautiful yet depressing. Very well written.
ReplyDeleteVery thoughtful and well written Ankita
ReplyDeleteMakes sense. And you write really well. :)
ReplyDeleteWhy is it that I felt it was quite interesting and I was a part of that sequence......very well drafted storyboard 😊👌
ReplyDelete